Allowing yourself to smile takes 99% of the effort.

Give me a museum and I'll fill it.

Society in its boundless ignorance ridicules the caterpillar but praises the butterfly.

Love in France is a comedy in England a tragedy in Italy an opera seria and in Germany a melodrama.

Little liberties are great offenses.

Speaking with many young people, they act like their virginity is something you have to turn the page very quickly on. "It's done."

If any religion had a chance of ruling over England, nay Europe within the next hundred years, it could be Islam.

The meaning ... of a writer will be found not just in what he intends to say, or what he does literally say, but in the effect of his writing on living beings.

I just look like a transvestite when I try to dress up. There's no place to hide my balls.

You never know a line is crooked unless you have a straight one to put next to it.

You've got a lot of time for abstract thought when you've got your hand stuck up a dead badger.