Alright, remember, alcohol equals puke equals smelly mess equals nobody likes you.

I sing seriously to my mom on the phone. To put her to sleep, I have to sing 'Maria' from West Side Story. When I hear her snoring, I hang up.

I immediately said yes for one reason and one reason only....Netflix rhymes with Wet Chicks.

Chemistry can be a good and bad thing. Chemistry is good when you make love with it. Chemistry is bad when you make crack with it.

Hanukkah is...the festival of lights, instead of one day of presents, we get eight crazy nights

It's hard to soar with the eagles when you're surrounded by turkeys.

On this lovely, lovely Hanukkah, drink your gin and tonica.

Feels good to try, but playing a father, I'm getting a little older. I see now that I'm taking it more serious and I do want that lifestyle.

Of course, I peed my pants, everyone my age pees their pants. It's the coolest.

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink, put you to bed when youve had too much to drink. Oh, it could be so nice to grow old with you, I wanna grow old with you.

Mama says that, happiness is from magic rays of sunshine that come down when you're feeling blue.

Are you willing to care enough to get hurt?

I instantly like people who laugh at my jokes. It's a weakness of mine.

That there are evil people destroying America and it's a conspiracy and time is running out and we should do something about it - that's what millions of people hear Trump saying.

You got to be pretty thin to be in the movies, or it helps. I would actually love to do it.

Money is not the sole or most powerful motivation for many people. A higher and tougher test is to look back and see how you've made the world a better place.

The eyes of spring, so azure, Are peeping from the ground; They are the darling violets, That I in nosegays bound.

One half the world must sweat and groan that the other half may dream.

Logic is no answer to passion.

We are not responsible for every thought that goes wandering through our mind. We are, however, responsible for the ones we hold there. We're especially responsible for the one's we put there.

When the ship is sinking and you're forced to choose sides, the new solution is to jump from island to island to island. You don't have to pick.