Also, I used to think that one day I might get someone to iron my shirts, but the truth is I really like doing them myself.

The Greeks had invented democracy, built the Acropolis and called it a day.

Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings.

A zoo is a good place to make a spectacle of yourself, as the people around you have creepier, more photogenic things to look at.

There seemed to be some correlation between devotion to God and a misguided zeal for marshmallows.

All of us take pride and pleasure in the fact that we are unique, but I'm afraid that when all is said and done the police are right: it all comes down to fingerprints.

Remember that the most important thing is to try and love other people as much as they love you.

Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.

I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later.

Like all of my friends, she's a lousy judge of character.

A good [short story] would take me out of myself and then stuff me back in, outsized, now, and uneasy with the fit.

In search of Truth the hopeful zealot goes, But all the sadder tums, the more he knows!

Elvis Costello had a brand new bag. He was a musician, but he knew all about the attitude part of it.

Purity is when there is no anxiety, no worry, no thinking.

No artifact is a work of art if it does not help to humanize us. Without art...our world would have remained a jungle.

The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage.

No man should have proprietary rights over land who does not use that land wisely and lovingly.

I like doing other things. I like getting high, hanging out with my kids. I like drinking. I have so many demons.

A high church for the true mediocre.

I find his films about as funny as getting an arrow through the neck and discovering there's a gas bill tied to it.

I work a seventeen hour day, and I'm personally responsible for 108 staff members in the embassy.