Also, as I've gotten older and more mature, I've become much more comfortable in my own skin. After 25 years of doing stand-up, that's reflected onstage.

Blood may be thicker than water, but it is still sticky, unpleasant and generally nauseating.

To me, there is no greater act of courage than being the one who kisses first.

I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half-empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.

Men are allowed to age. Men are allowed to gain weight. Men are allowed to be quirky looking.

It’s mentally exhausting, feeling bad about something you can do nothing about.

Taking into account the public's regrettable lack of taste, it is incumbent upon you not to fit in.

When I see the American flag, I go, 'Oh my God, you're insulting me.'

The world would be better off with multiple superpowers. When Communist USSR was a superpower, the world was better off.

This dress exacerbates the genetic betrayal that is my legacy.

I can't wait for the next fad though, and I predict it's going to be Pennsylvania dutch culture, very Amish. It's going to be bonnets and butter churns.

Decorate your birthday with love and memories not with years.

If you are not selfish and greedy, you picked up riches along the street.

Princess Di is my sister, she just won't admit it.

I think people don't place a high enough value on how much they are nurtured by doing whatever it is that totally absorbs them.

Being as restless as I am by nature, I couldn't simply just be on set, wait for my turn to rehearse for the week. And I kept reading, but it wasn't enough for me.

Most of the time, it's your thinking, not your talent, that holds you back.

Even the once simple home mortgage now has so many flavors and styles and variations that it is difficult for people to make a decision.

The reaction was immediate. The blood flow was in proportion to how much the painting was liked.

Desire presses ever forward unsubdued.

Who was I? The stranger was footsteps in the snow a long time ago.