Although I'm a comedian, I'm also an amateur survivalist.

It's not that weird, but when I was in Peru, I ate a guinea pig. If you're going to eat guinea pig, you call it cuy. Cute word for such a cute little animal that I ate a few times.

Oftentimes the shows that don't work help you get it right.

Contrary to widespread belief, I do know something about science.

I like an otter. I like a sea lion. I like a walrus. That's my favorite version of a sea creature.

I'm sure there are people who say like, "I was wearing weird emo eyeliner," but there's something pretty embarrassing about the jazz phase.

I have what I guess is medically known as a farting problem.

Whether it's corporate investigations or comedy, there are certain inherent truths to trying to get what you want while trying to be a decent person doing it.

I was, like, a history major, and I minored in art and Spanish, but I found myself gravitating toward media studies as time went on.

Sometimes shows suffer from having many cooks in the kitchen.

I would be psyched to get a phone call from Al Sharpton. I need to find out who does his hair. It's beautiful. It's a gorgeous mane.

If the town were a black hole, I was the helpless star being sucked into oblivion. It was an oblivion I craved.

Let us fill our lives with endless spring. Let us bloom with joy

Somebody told me I'm a writer. I believed them. Now I regret it.

Knowing themselves to be faultless, they make it their mission to detect the myriad faults in others, against which they wage incessant tongue.

Republican leadership in Congress let the energy companies write the energy bill that sent prices soaring, and has turned a blind eye to the struggles of working families trying to make ends meet.

Hey," he said. "It's someday." He said the last word in Greek.

I just write songs that I strongly believe in and that are coming from inside. There's no tricks. It's honesty with big melodies.

Ideas of value always shun verbosity, being foreign to confusion and fantasy. Timely silence, then, is precious, for it is nothing less than the mother of the wisest thoughts.

But every once in a while, from out of the blue, someone reaches the quiet place where you spend your private time and changes the way you see yourself

History will tell the story, America will always stand.