Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

Success is focusing the full power of all you are on what you have a burning desire to achieve."

There is no revelation in my words. I am merely stating what others have forgotten to write down.

The curious are always in some danger. If you are curious you might never come home, like all the men who now live with mermaids at the bottom of the sea.Or the people who found Atlantis.

To Have Thousands Transformed In The Society Is To Lack Unity

After ten years of toiling away in Hollywood, I realized that there's no better place for new ideas than comics.

Zen aims at freedom but its practice is disciplined.

You can wear ruffles; you can be a jock, and you can still be a great computer scientist, or a great technologist, or a great product designer.

We’re in the midst of a boom in home-based businesses, and it shows no sign of slowing.

Four things greater than all things are Women and horses and power and War.

The system that people work in and the interaction with people may account for 90 or 95 percent of performance.