Always go to the bathroom before you ‘go’ to the bathroom.

Blanket statements are always stupid. NO EXCEPTIONS!

During a heat wave every dude stinks.

Visiting Saturn sounds like a lot of fun but you will die!

It's better to have a broken CD player that worked once than to never have evolved into a self-aware carbon based lifeform.

Bird Poop in the mouth is always a surprise.

Cars and bumper cars are two very different things. NEVER sleep in a bumper car.

Nothing is perfect. Therefore, being perfect is being nothing… and that's a great way to lose weight.

The good thing about living like me is everywhere you go is a step up.

At one time or another, farts have coincided with every other sound, including this quote.

Failure is not an option. It just happens all the time. Like, all the time.

You have a certain charm, believe it or not. That, and you feed me.

God loves you unconditionally despite all your imperfections. So what is your excuse not to love yourself unconditionally and be comfortable in your own skin?

Ina May Gaskin is the most important person in maternity care in North America, bar none.

He's like a football coach who's smart enough to win the game and dumb enough to think it's important.

Terrorism, to me, is the use of terror for political purpose, and terror is indiscriminate murder of civilians to make a political point.

All religions are ancient monuments to superstition, ignorance and ferocity.

Folks have to pin me down because, for one thing, I don't have a laptop. I don't have an iPhone, and I refuse to carry them because they're immensely hackable.

... scientific research is compounded of ... empirical procedures, general speculative ideas, and mathematical or abstract reasoning.

I'll take a rusty nail and scratch your initials on my arm.

[W]isdom consists in following Providence step by step. And you can be sure of the truth of a maxim which seems paradoxical, namely, that he who is hasty falls back in the interests of God.