Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

Psychology cannot tell people how they ought to live their lives. It can however, provide them with the means for effecting personal and social change.

Conformity is often more dangerous than war. War destroys the body but confomity destoys the imaginative mind.

A slip of the foot you may soon recover, but a slip of the tongue you may never get over.

I don't watch 'American Idol.' I don't watch any of that stuff.

The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.

The sincere hearts and the pious supplications are soldiers which can never be defeated

Although it is not true that all conservatives are stupid people, it is true that most stupid people are conservative.

If I weren't acting I'd be a very unhappy, unfulfilled woman.

Culture, when it comes to food, is of course a fancy word for your mom.

Give everything and look for no return.