Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

Rebuilding is something that is practically difficult than starting over from nothing.

The safest day at the Melody is St. Paddy's, " adds another Mardi Gras girl. "All the cops are out vomiting at the parade.

Inside of a ring or out ain't nothing wrong with going down. It's staying down that's wrong.

I'm not Rihanna. I'm not cool. When people come up to me in the street, they often want a hug, not a photo, and they want that because they like my work.

If enough of us keep trying, we'll get someplace.

Everyone always says that guys are intimidated by me, but I seriously doubt it. I mean, I'm five-foot-nothing!

I'm always so surprised when people fill their homes up with stuff.

Two full time-outs. I could eat lunch with that long.

The fundamental factor of self-deception is this constant desire to be something in this world and in the world hereafter.

There is strife between God s ways and human ways; damned by you, we are absolved by God.