Always remember that the crowd that applauds your coronation is the same crowd that will applaud your beheading. People like a show.

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

The greatest wisdom consists in knowing one's own follies.

Bring ideas in and entertain them royally, for one of them may be the king.

Abolitionism was a movement to end private slavery. Libertarianism is a movement to end private and public slavery.

This is who I was, before I was dead. When I cared, when I was relentless.

A man can only attain knowledge with the help of those who possess it. This must be understood from the very beginning. One must learn from him who knows.

Mitt Romney, two-time Republican presidential candidate, is going to fight Evander Holyfield for charity. I hope they save some of that money for funeral expenses.

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.

It takes quite a spine to turn the other cheek. It takes phenomenal fortitude to love your enemy. It takes firm resolve to pray for those who persecute you. (with reference to Matthew 5)

You would not serve junk food at a banquet, and your book must be a banquet. Get your language from Swift, not from Shopsy's.

Mainstream media: 80% stuff someone told them. 10% stupidity. 10% arrogance.