Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Pray for me and I am blessed today, teach me to pray and I will see you in heaven

Eating without conversation is only stoking.

The one good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe

Unhappy endings can be as cheap as happy endings.

Sunny is what you are. Everything else is what you think.

“Secretary of State Clinton dared Iran on Monday to let her hold a town-hall meeting in Tehran.” That’s telling ’em. If the ayatollahs had a sense of humor, they’d call her bluff.

I didn't watch a lot of TV growing up.

Ukraine has been a strong partner to the United States on international initiatives and a committed ally in fighting the War on Terrorism.

As a man is, so he sees.

How do you know but ev’ry Bird that cuts the airy way, Is an immense world of delight, clos’d by your senses five?