Am I not turtley enough for the Turtle Club? Turtle! Turtle!

I think free speech is probably the coolest thing we have in this country, and again, you can label it hate speech and dismiss it, and then you're allowed to censor it.

After years of begging, I got my parents to get me a little Craig tape recorder, a reel to reel. Then I started recording voices, or recording Jonathan Winters off television and stuff like that.

If I only ran when nothing hurt, I would never run.

That's why modern corporate movie making has become so laborious that comedians are kind of kicked out by 50.

You know, sometimes you can't just take an armadillo, put it in the barn, light it on fire and expect it to make licorice.

It's almost like he's started to sound even more exotic the more people started doing him. I don't know why, but there's just something about Al Gore that makes me laugh.

A mom and dad found an S&M magazine under their 10-year-old son's bed, and the dad said, 'Well, we sure can't spank him.'

If she were a President, she'd be Babe-raham Lincoln!

I know it's a cliche, but the whole family is just whacked. I mean, we're all out of our minds. They're the funniest, most eccentric bizarre people I've ever met, my siblings.

Describing comic sensibility is near impossible. It's sort of an abstract silliness, that sometimes the joke isn't the star.

Love is the most powerful thing in this World.

Apathy is the opposite of caring. If you’re apathetic towards something, then it isn’t something you want.

Miracles, to the Sufi, are not evidential, they are instrumental.

Create your legacy, and pass the baton.

President Bush said John Kerry is on both sides of every issue. And Kerry replied, 'No, I'm not ... but there is some truth to that.'

It is always advantageous to exchange your king's bishop pawn for the king's pawn, since this leads to the seizure of the centre and, in addition, to the opening of a file for the rook.

Over the course of television's history, I think fans have done more to save shows and support them than ruin them.

I've imagined great victories, and I've imagined great races. The races are better.

It's no wonder we're all such a mess, is it? We're like Tom Hanks in Big. Little boys and girls trapped in adult bodies and forced to get on with it.

If there is one thing Britain should learn from the last 50 years, it is this: Europe can only get more important for us.