Am I really gonna deny someone the opportunity of a lifetime just because they met me 5 easters early?

I was mad when I heard The Amazing Race wasn't about white people.

I was kosher until I had my Bar Mitzvah, and I parlayed officially becoming a man into telling my father I wanted to eat cheeseburgers.

I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.

It's all about being a part of something in the community, socializing with people who share interests and coming together to help improve the world we live in.

In New York, we tip everyone. We tip doormen, we tip cab drivers, and we tip bartenders at the bar. You'll get quite an evil eye if you don't leave a tip at the bar.

I like hot dogs. I like eggplant. I like pizza and creamed corn and beer. But I don't like Arabs.

The best way to travel abroad is to live with the locals.

I don't mind it if blacks want equal rights, as long as they mean rights equal to a dog

It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses.

Women have the right to choose what do with their own bodies. They can take it in the cooch or in the pooper. But that's where their right to choose stops, in my opinion.

Start with putting three of your friends to jail. You definitely know what for, and people will believe you

Whoever falls from God's right hand is caught into His left.

If love wants you; if you've been melted down to stars, you will love with lungs and gills; with feathers and scales; with warm blood and cold.

Some writers achieve great popularity and then disappear forever. The bestseller lists of the past fifty years are, with a few lively exceptions, a sombre graveyard of dead books.

Don't drink in the hotel bar, that's where I do my drinking.

Just be mindful of what you're doing.

The wealth that cannot be administered is a burden.

I will find her." "And when you do?" Roger asked. "I will make her mine," the warrior answered in a hard, determined voice. "She will be mine." The vow was made.

If you're not willing to get your 'worst one ever' out of the way, how will you possibly do better than that?

A fool and his money are soon parted. - Five Hundred Points of Good Husbandry.