Amazing products, cats. And real simple to manufacture.

A Madagascar Hissing Roach chasing Jerry Lewis. That would be a really neat treat.

Once you put yourself in the hands of the government, you could end up in Utah.

Life is one big minefield, and the only place that isn't a minefield is the place they make the mines.

Living well and ripping your enemy's still-beating heart out with your bare hands is the best revenge.

You only live once and, usually, not even then.

I don’t think television will ever be perfected until the viewer can press a button and cause whoever is on the screen’s head to explode.

Making people laugh is the lowest form of comedy.

Licorice is the liver of candy.

If there were a Mount Rushmore of American humor, Terry Southern would be the mountain they'd carve it from

The transformation scene, where man is becoming insect and insect has become at least man and beyond that - a flying, godlike, shimmering, diaphanous, beautiful creature.

I don't love you, you know. I'm merely crazy about you.

No amount of guilt can change the past and no amount of worrying can change the future

The working artist will not tolerate trouble in her life because she knows trouble prevents her from doing her work.

If you praise others you are considered a nice person, but if you praise yourself you are arrogant or nonreligious! What a society, eh? No wonder your self-esteem is low.

Misery is the company of lawsuits.

Once I had learnt my twelve times table (at the age of three) it was downhill all the way.

I knew there were, in myself, the souls of millions of people who lived centuries ago; not just people but animals, plants, the elements, things, even, matter. All of these exist in me.

I couldn't survive my own pessimism if I didn't have some kind of sunny little dream.

This is God's work. It makes blisters and it makes sweat, but it's worth my time and it's worth your time....Working together as God's people in the world-I don't know of anything more rewarding.

Friends depart, and memory takes them To her caverns, pure and deep.