Ambiguity — the Devil's volleyball.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

New ideas pass through three periods: 1) It can't be done. 2) It probably can be done, but it's not worth doing. 3) I knew it was a good idea all along!

If you move boldly in the direction of your goals, unseen forces will come to your aid.

In the adjustment of the new order of things, we women demand an equal voice; we shall accept nothing less.

All successful employers are stalking men who will do the unusual, men who think, men who attract attention by performing more than is expected of them.

All the movies where I play nice guys don't seem to do very well.

There is a wheel on the affairs of men revolve and its mechanism is such that it prevents any man from being always fortunate.

When I was a teenager, I was a voracious reader of crime fiction, but only contemporary books.

Business logic and musical logic are utterly incompatible.

I think theatres will always remain a sacred place where people go for something live and experience things live, which is very different than the experience of film.

Respectability is the state of never being caught doing anything which gives you pleasure.