America is never great. America is great in what it can be, which is the American dream.

You ever spent eight hours acting in water? It's a lot easier to get in and out of a bath. Hot tubs are bad news for actors, man.

I love Billy Joel. I cry sometimes when I hear 'The Stranger.' 'You May Be Right' may be one of the greatest songs ever written.

At around 19 I realized that I really didn't have any skills other than making people laugh, so I should probably pursue it full-time.

There's a common misconception with sketch comedy that you just go up there and wing it, but it's written, and there really is order.

For me, why would a Jew want to go anywhere in history ever? I'm only going to have to run.

I am what they call a chubby-skinny guy. I appear to be normal and have the look of an in-shape man, but if we were to go to a pool party I would go with my shirt on.

I think journalism can come from anywhere, and comedy can certainly come from anywhere.

Well, you can't improvise story, which is a fact. If you could, the budget would be insane.

The only place I want to travel to is the United States Of America from 2008 to 2016. Anywhere else is a horribly dangerous time for women and minorities.

I love Obama. He's my favorite president of all time. I have a giant picture in my apartment in New York that is of his Chicago Tribune cover, Mr. President.

Nothing worthwhile ever came from divided attention.

Distraction is the only thing that consoles us for our miseries. Yet it is itself the greatest of our miseries.

Humor is not far from my vocabulary.

Trouthe is the hyest thyng that man may kepe.

You cannot get anything out of nature or from God by gambling; only out of your neighbor.

Sometimes a person has to go back, really back-to have a sense, an understanding of all that's gone to make them-before they can go forward.

The devil isn't made by what Mommy says or what Daddy says. The devil is there.

She loved him so much she concealed his name in many phrases, the inner meanings known only to her.

The Master hath called us, in life's early morning, With spirits as fresh as the dew on the sod: We turn from the world, with its smiles and its scorning, To cast in our lot with the people of God.

There are certain economics involved in making a network TV show that you want to amortize the costs of that, so the more episodes you make, the cheaper they all are individually.