America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin For one dollar and use it up in two weeks.

A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.

Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open.

I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o clock in the morning.

When archaeologists discover the missing arms of Venus de Milo, they will find she was wearing boxing gloves.

The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time.

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.

You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.

My only regret in the theater is that I could never sit out front and watch me.

There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.

My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments.

I love feeling the rhythm of other people's lives. It's like traveling.

I have an idea for a new book. It's a novel about a beautiful yet sensitive author whose spirit is crushed by her domineering editor. Do you like it?

Nothing good ever happens by itself - it is achieved through striving, though this sometimes bears a high price.

This is a young man who is only 25, and you have to say, her has answered every question that has ever been asked.

You know, if I'm in a bad mood, I always look at the chessboard, just to find something that can cheer me up.

Whatever circumstance it is, if you always do your best, then you can't beat yourself up, basically.

I am not running for mayor yet. But if it comes to be true that people cannot voice an opinion unless they have been elected, then we are no longer in a democracy.

I love doing the action stuff. It's soooo much fun!

Like I said, I've got too much respect for women to marry them, but that doesn't mean you can't support them emotionally and financially.

Money is only a human invention. I get paid for my work, it's a system of trade, but it's not my purpose and reason for living.