America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

It’s not just other people we need to forgive. We also need to forgive ourselves. For all the things we didn’t do. All the things we should have done.

Authority and example lead the world.

I think I was a mermaid and I used to swim the shores or Hawaii and used to pop up and see coconuts and pineapples everywhere.

Bach opens a vista to the universe. After experiencing him, people feel there is meaning to life after all.

If you can think about it, you can create it.

When you are in the midst of suffering you are looking for someone to be Jesus to you. You are looking for someone to love you and help take care of you, and reach out to you.

Counter Girl (in candy shop): You two are cute. Seriously. How long have you been going out? Sam: Six years.

He loves each one of us like there is only one of us to love (when God whisper your name)

I think a sentence is a fine thing to put a preposition at the end of.