America of the future will be all malls connected by interstates. All because your parents no longer can their own tomatoes.

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.

Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and in those times, you must do something anyway.

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. ~Garrison Keillor

If you always attach positive emotions to the things you want, and never attach negative emotions to the things you don't, then that which you desire most will invariably come your way.

Joblessness gives you the resource through which you can create a new you

The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it.

I've never been too afraid of what other people have said, especially when I was younger, but I suppose that was the arrogance of youth.

People are here because they've got baggage. I'm talking curbside-check-in, pay-the-fine-'cause-it's-over-fifty-pounds kind of baggage. Get it?

This is the sort of situation I enjoy: a game in the San Siro, a huge crowd and a night for big men. Remember, only victory is beautiful.

I think the Republicans are subverted by the fact that so many of their leaders send their kids to private schools, they don't really have the stomach for the fight.

Leadership is all hype. We've had three great leaders in this century-Hitler, Stalin, and Mao.

All my clients eat. Madonna has a very healthy appetite. She doesn't eat processed food, she's very conscious of the quality of the things she eats but she has treats - she loves cupcakes.

It is an unpleasant thing to go to bed without supper, it is a still less pleasant thing not to sup and not to know where one is to sleep.