America was discovered by Amerigo Vespucci and was named after him, until people got tired of living in a place called "Vespuccia" and changed its name to "America"

If forced to travel on an airplane, try and get in the cabin with the Captain, so you can keep an eye on him and nudge him if he falls asleep or point out any mountains looming up ahead.

If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've got in the house.

Invite them all in. Nip out the back door. Phone the police and tell them your house is being burgled.

The people of Halifax also invented the harmonium, a device for castrating pigs during Sunday service.

When the Ngdanga tribe of West Africa hold their moon love ceremonies, the men of the tribe bang their heads on sacred trees until they get a nose bleed, which usually cures them of that.

Courage and grace is a formidable mixture. The only place to see it is the bullring.

Oh, gods. Not the flying!”“I heard you mounted my sister well enough.”“I want you never to make that statement again.

When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are broken.

Religion is an illusion and every illusion has the inevitable destiny of a soap bubble!

I will always stay close to all compatriots, and share together the happiness and suffering.

I cannot love as I have loved, And yet I know not why; It is the one great woe of life To feel all feeling die.

Wherever there is number, there is beauty.

There is scarcely a technical issue for which you cannot find expert witnesses of differing opinions.

Kids don't come with an instruction manual. So if you're gonna make mistakes, at least make them your own way.

The wind is not helpless for any man's need, Nor falleth the rain but for thistle and weed.