Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

It might be true that it is “quality time” that counts, but after a certain point quantity has a bearing on quality.

Fellowshipping with God continually is to maintain your well-being

You can only start to experience bigger and better blessings in your life when you make up your mind to change the way that you have always done things.

It's no use crying over spilt milkWhat’s done, is done.

Good men are remembered for their friends. Great men are remembered for their enemies. The greatest men are those who turn their enemies into friends.

Everything takes me longer than I expect. It's the sad truth about life.

Dog! When we first met on the highway of life, we came from the two poles of creation.... What can be the meaning of the obscure love for me that has sprung up in your heart?

My presidency is not over. I've got another five years coming up.

Free open-source software, by its nature, is unlikely to feature secret back doors that lead directly to Langley, Va.

I shall develop the thesis that anyone acting communicatively must, in performing any speech act, raise universal validity claims and suppose that they can be vindicated.