Americans are not gonna conserve. We're not gonna shift to smaller cars. We can't - we have big, fat kids.

People always want to compare their dogs to having kids. That's insulting. First of all, nobody has a dog because they were too drunk to pull out.

It's all about self-esteem now. Build the kids' self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves. If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who's gonna dance in our strip-clubs?

Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life. If Bill Gates had got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?

You try not to have a favorite when you have sons or kids. Can't have a favorite. Can't let them know know if you do. I don't. I treat my main son and the other two exactly the same way.

In catholisism we have an entire religion based on a woman who really stuck to her story

If you're going to dedicate your career to ranting about the excesses of American capitalism, you probably shouldn't weigh 450 pounds.

People come to this country from all over the world to pursue their dreams of driving a taxi or selling hot dogs or working in a sweatshop.

Seventy-two virgins - does that make sense to anyone? And it's an ancient religion, maybe it was misinterpreted? Maybe it's not 72 virgins, maybe it's a 7-foot-2 Persian.

I like when people give up chocolate for Lent. Ooh, just like being nailed to a cross.

We're a spoiled, lazy culture, full of ethnic pride that has to have a parade for every nationality.

People are tired of being told that it's possible... It's time to show them how it can be possible. Leadership is demonstration.

A partial truth is the most common path to an entire lie.

If I could talk about it, I would not have to do it. I make art.

I thought about how there are two types of secrets: the kind you want to keep in, and the kind you don't dare to let out.

People don't know that New York really is just made up of a group of very small neighborhoods.

I'd like to one day play Amanda, the mother, in The Glass Menagerie.

I must confess a shameful secret: I love Chicago best in the cold.

Food is a passion. Food is love.

When they called my name, I had this feeling I could hear half of America going, 'Oh no. Come on... Her, again?' You know. But, whatever.

My voice is stronger today than ever.