Americans are used to being pandered to and spoon-fed everything. In a culture that needs caffeine-free cherry chocolate diet Coke, you'd best deliver information with entertainment.

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.

Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

False hope really makes you cynical.

To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.

It's not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That's predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.

You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.

Here's the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He's never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He's totally - he's the white Kanye.

Dwelling on the past is like dragging a boat over dry land.

Youth is a failing only tooeasily outgrown.

Hasn't it dawned on your twilight mind, even in the seconds span of a falling star, that you might be missing something more than your sleep?

I think old age is in each one's head; so if you're happy doing what you love, you're going to be young.

Mother and daughter like spoons in a drawer.

The mind can be convinced, but the heart must be won.

There is something far more important than your present situation - your dream and your goal.

If a man was great while living, he becomes tenfold greater when dead.

Take more time, cover less ground.

A good old man, sir. He will be talking. As they say, when the age is in, the wit is out.