Americans don't understand irony? I am an intelligent person living in the United States. My entire existence is ironic.

It seems people are more willing to let other people control their minds now and recreational drug use doesn't seem to have that same renegade sense of adventure that it once did.

I'm not for everyone. I'm barely for me.

Maybe depression is the most reasonable response to all the crap around us. Maybe it's the happy people who need medication.

That’s the big challenge of life—to chisel disappointment into wisdom so people respect you and you don’t annoy your friends with your whining.

Buying my wife a gun sort of like me saying, ' You know, I kinda want to kill myself, but I want it to be a surprise'.

You can't avoid pain in life. It's how you handle pain, that's what defines you.

In most cases the only difference between depression and disappointment is your level of commitment.

Well, evolution's just a theory.' And, I'm thinking to myself, 'Well, thank goodness gravity's a law.'

We need the children of Indonesia and the Philippines to manufacture our freedom of choice.

Faith in the face of disappointment is only enhanced by laughter in the face of pain.

Anger is the ego’s way of cloaking fear to make what is frail seem formidable.

Art is the tree of life. Science is the tree of death.

Do not attempt to hide things which cannot be hidden.

Governments grow as God declines, in both Europe and the United States

I dont want to be labeled one thing. My main thing I care about is being able to create the things I want to do with my friends, whatever platform that is.

If I went in debt a million dollars every time I committed genocide, I'd be our economy.

You know, it's quite all right to give the underdog a hand, but only one hand. Keep the other hand on your pistol - or he'll try to eat the one you gave him!

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

There are guys in country music who are wizards on the guitar. If you're a country fan, you're used to it. But as a rock guitar player, you listen.

What I like about the Bible is that it doesn't make sense, which makes it more like truth than anything else I've ever read.