Americans have different ways of saying things. They say 'elevator', we say 'lift'... they say 'President', we say 'stupid psychopathic git.

If I won the lottery I'd start a charity that helped little family hardware stores, cobblers and fruit shops open in city centres.

My name is Alexei Yuri Gagarin Siege of Stalingrad Glorious Five Year Plan Sputnik Tractor Moscow Dynamo Back Four Balowski. Me Dad was a bit of a Communist, know what I mean?

Honestly, sometimes I get really fed up of my subconscious - it's like it's got a mind of its own.

People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.

Yuri Gagarin, the first man in space, may have had his charms, but he really couldn't be considered hip.

There's a part of me that still hates everything, and my natural view default setting is still very cynical and dark

I've been going to Granada for many years and 12 years ago bought a house a few miles outside the city.

If sitcoms were easy to write, there'd be a lot of good ones, and there aren't.

Dire Straits is a great band. Someone tells you they like ""Brothers in Arms"" and immediately you know they're a stupid annoying git.

Israel is the Jimmy Saville of nation states.

I blush, I burn, I shudder, while I pen the damnable atrocity.

Lake water, even when boiled, has an effect on my digestive system similar to the movement of a hangman’s trapdoor.

I don't consider myself a great writer, but I would like to think that I can at least proof- read.

Common sense is in spite of, not because of age.

Fear isn't in my vocabulary.

There's a lot that I want to accomplish.

I don't think men should think too much about their hair. They shouldn't think. They should just open bottles for women, hammer nails into wall and chop wood.

I'd rather have ten people that want God than 10,000 people who want to play church.

The best accessories a girl can have are her closest friends.

The trumped-up charges against kitsch and sentimentality should disturb us and make us suspicious.