Americans worship creativity the way they worship physical beauty - as a way of enjoying elitism without guilt: God did it.

A home without a grandmother is like an egg without salt.

If you ever meet someone who cannot understand why solitary confinement is considered punishment, you have met a misanthrope.

I simply like guns because you can't shoot people without them.

I wasn't used to children and they were getting on my nerves. Worse, it appeared that I was a child, too. I hadn't known that before; I thought I was just short.

Writers who have nothing to say always strain for metaphors to say it in.

If we define a misanthrope as 'someone who does not suffer fools and likes to see fools suffer,' we have described a person with something to look forward to.

The more immoral we become in big ways, the more puritanical we become in little ways.

God may have loved the common people, but a trip to any shopping mall suggests that He made far too many of them.

Golf is an exercise in Scottish pointlessness for people who are no longer able to throw telephone poles at each other.

Democracy is the fig leaf of elitism.

I try to stay in a constant state of confusion just because of the expression it leaves on my face.

A straight line is not the shortest distance between two points.

We speak not only to tell other people what we think, but to tell ourselves what we think. Speech is a part of thought.

How do I appear unthreatening when her lover's blood is running down my chin?

Surplus wealth is a sacred trust which its possessor is bound to administer in his lifetime for the good of the community.

Fame itself is but an epitaph; as late, as false, as true.

Motivation gets you going, but discipline keeps you growing.

I have no interest in emo. I'm all about rap metal.

I've had, like, four long-term boyfriends. I tend to be in relationships for long periods of time.

I have learned to do more with less, so you don't see the big books anymore.