An absolute monarchy is one in which the sovereign does as he pleases so long as he pleases the assassins.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

I'm super sorry I slept so long. You should've nudged me or something."Several somethings came to mind.

Know yourselves- be infertile and let the earth be silent after ye.

I think we're all pretty crazy on this bus. I'm not sure I know anyone who's got all the dots on his or her dice.

The love of freedom is actually an aberration.

It is the large brain capacity which allows man to live as a human being, enjoy taxes, canned salmon, television, and the atomic bomb.

I'm highly political. I spend an awful lot of time in the U.S. trying to influence decision-makers. But I don't feel in tune with British politics.

God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place.

The increase in the world's population represents our victory over death.

You do not have to be The fastest starter. Just be a starter! You will, without fail, Reach your destination-sun.

The bad news that we are all guilty is met with the best news that God loves and forgives guilty people.