An accident is an inevitable occurrence due to the actions of immutable natural laws.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

People are very fond of giving away what they need most themselves. It is what I call the depth of generosity.

Music is intended and designed for sentient beings that have hopes and purposes and emotions.

True faith is belief in the reality of absolute values.

If you want to recapture your youth, just cut off his allowance.

Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter.

If you were enough like God, some one wouldn't like you.

The whole idea of comparing climbers is ludicrous. It would be like sitting Van Gogh down with Rembrandt and saying, Ready, get set, go.

The sanity of society is a balance of a thousand insanity's.

If people are not laughing at your dreams at least once a week, you are aiming too low!

It is in the love of one's family only that heartfelt happiness is known.