An appeal is when ye ask wan court to show its contempt for another court.

Trust everybody, but cut the cards.

A man's idea in a game of cards is war, cruel, devastating, and pitiless. A lady's idea of it is a combination of larceny, embezzlement and burglary.

A fanatic is a man that does what he thinks the Lord would do if He knew the facts of the case.

The past always looks better than it was; it's only pleasant because it isn't here.

Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.

That is, no matther whether th' constitution follows th' flag or not, th' supreme coort follows th' iliction returns.

What is instinct? It is the natural tendency in one when filled with dismay to turn to his wife.

An appeal is when you ask one court to show its contempt for another court.

Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that they can be classified as cannibals.

I niver knew a pollytician to go wrong ontil he's been contaminated by contact with a business man.

..And because he was still able to move his hands - Morrie always spoke with both hands waving - he showed great passion when explaining how you face the end of life.

The growth of the imagination demands windows-windows through which we can look out at the world and windows through which we can look into ourselves. The old stories were windows in just this way.

Ethics change with technology.

I have learned that not diamonds but divorce lawyers are a girl's best friend.

An enemy of yours is an enemy of mine; an enemy of mine is an enemy of yours; if an enemy of mine is not an enemy of yours, then you're an enemy of mine.

a fully belly is little worth where the mind is starved.

All you have in the end is to look back and like the choices you've made.

I just always had a penchant for performing for people.I'm a jackass clown.

We give it up and just look directly with compassion and humor at who we are. Then loneliness is no threat and heartache, no punishment.

Unless you love yourself, you can't love anybody. Be selfish.