An effective speaker can do more damage or more good in a well-stated minute than an angry klutz could do in half an hour.

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you.

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.

Censorship feeds the dirty mind more than the four-letter word itself.

It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear.

I don't see the future as bright, language-wise. I see it as a glass half empty - and evaporating quickly.

I eat at this German-Chinese restaurant and the food is delicious. The only problem is that an hour later you're hungry for power.

I don't feel old. I feel like a young man that has something wrong with him.

Obviously those who burn to be professional jesters mean that they want to be successful comedians. And those are always an elite, microscopic portion of the population. But oh, how they try.

My IQ is somewhere between Spiro Agnew's and Albert Einstein's.

True leadership is about pulling forth the gold in everyone and believing in people before they deserve it.

The far we can see, we are! It is time we lifted our eyes beyond the horizon of our present boundaries and see goodies ahead of us.

He’s a sub dog. How did she find a sub dog?

I have a family to support. And I'm not always going to be doing exactly what I want to do.

I'll bring my grits when I travel, because I get so hungry on the road.

As soon as I could speak, I was singing. Before I could even speak full words, I would make up ones to sing and I have it on tape, too.

By his own efforts man could never gain the true and desired riches.

The silence holds with its gloved hand the wild hawk of the mind.

I have a more direct avenue to expression as an artist than I ever would as a politician.

There are more words in the IRS code than there are in the Bible. And not a one of them is as good.