An epigram is the marriage of wit and wisdom; a wisecrack, their divorce.

Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.

Success is the good fortune that comes from aspiration, desperation, perspiration,and inspiration.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy - and Jill a wealthy widow.

The mint makes it first, it is up to you to make it last.

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.

Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.

This may be the age of automation, but love is still being made by hand.

Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.

Nothing ages your car as much as the sight of your neighbor's new one.

Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.

Sometimes the hardest pieces of a puzzle to assemble, are the ones missing from the box.

We don't understand why we're here, no one's giving us an answer, religion is vague, your parents can't help because they're just people, and it's all terrible, and there's no meaning to anything.

A cigar is as good as memories that you have when you smoked it.

Nothing is in reality either pleasant or unpleasant by nature but all things become so through habit

Bell, thou soundest merrily, When the bridal party To the church doth hie! Bell, thou soundest solemnly, When, on Sabbath morning, Fields deserted lie!

Expect the universe to support your dream. It will.

I am Oz, the Great and Terrible," spoke the Beast, in a voice that was one great roar. Who are you, and why do you seek me?

History is more interesting than politics.

Our job is not to expose the mystery but to participate in it.

The business of life is to go forward.