An episode that is near and dear to my heart is the entire cast in one room for the night because we get bed bugs in our apartment building so we have to stay with Martin Short.

The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with how you still fail at it a lot of the time.

Ill book a ticket on some garbage airline. I dont wanna name an actual airline so lets make one up, lets just call it like Delta Airlines

I was always the squarest person in the cool room, and alternatively, sometimes the weirder person at the mainstream table.

Why do people shush animals? Theyve never spoken

I have a lot of stories about being a kid because it was the last time I was interesting.

I'm a very lucky person. I'm an idiot, and I've shoveled through life rather nicely so far, so I don't feel like I deserve good treatment.

If you’re comparing the badness of two words and you won’t even say one of them [the n-word], that’s the worse word.

All my money is in a savings account. My dad has explained the stock market to me maybe 75 times. I still don't understand it.

I plan to join the 'SNL' band as a maraca player and stand behind saxophonist Lenny Pickett. That way they will at least cut to me before commercial breaks. I'll be sure to look right into camera.

I like when things are crazy. Something good comes out of exhaustion.

They spoke of small things at first, since it was best, when reattaching threads, to begin with the easiest knots.

May you grow to be a fearless and proud accepting-self human.

The financial elite already have the politicians in their pockets, as a result of their lobbying.

The operating management, providing as it does for the care of near thirty thousand miles of railway, is far more important than that for construction in which there is comparatively little doing.

A man's car is like an extension of their ego and their manhood.

Of course it would cost something, but he was an expert in cutting corners; and when there were no more corners left he would make circles rounder.

Writing is a lonely job, unless you're a drinker, in which case you always have a friend within reach.

I don't emphasize the whatevs. I say it as if it's truly a toss-away word.

Sword? Haven't got a sword. That boy has, though. He'll lend you one.

You can make your own son or daughter one of a kind if you have the time and will to do so; school can only make them part of a hive, herd or anthill.