An epitaph is a belated advertisement for a line of goods that have been permanently discontinued.

Middle age: when you begin to exchange your emotions for symptoms.

To be born in Kentucky is a heritage; to brag about it is a habit; to appreciate it is a virtue.

Until you go to Kentucky and with your own eyes behold the Derby, you ain't never been nowhere and you ain't seen nothin'!

If I wanted to go crazy I would do it in Washington because it would not be noticed

If writers were good businessmen, they'd have too much sense to be writers.

You couldn't tell if she was dressed for an opera or an operation.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

If a woman likes another woman, she's cordial. If she doesn't like her, she's very cordial.

A funeral eulogy is a belated plea for the defense delivered after the evidence is all in.

Men are vain; but they won't mind women working so long as they get smaller wages for the same job.

Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper.

History is fiction.

‪You would not be able to manage millions of dollars well when you are not managing thousands of dollars ‬well

I'm a philosophy major. That means I can think deep thoughts about being unemployed.

To be the best you must beat the best.

I have no real talents. If I could make a living at a normal job, I'm sure I would do that.

The greatest help you can give me is to banish fear from your hearts.

Free government cannot long endure if property is largely in a few hands, and large masses of people are unable to earn homes, education, and a support in old age.

Only the player with the initiative has the right to attack

Every genuine poet is necessarily a Columbus. America existed for centuries before Columbus but it was only Columbus who was able to track it down.