An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.

When you finally go back to your old home, you find it wasn't the old home you missed but your childhood.

Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.

A man can please his wife with a box of candy, surprise her with a bouquet of flowers, and make her suspicious with a gold bracelet.

A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.

Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about.

When you feel neglected, think of the female salmon, who lays 3,000,000 eggs but no one remembers her on Mother's Day.

It's not the hours you put in your work that counts, it's the work you put in the hours.

Success has a simple formula: do your best, and people may like it.

Computers are like bikinis. They save people a lot of guesswork.

I've been living for too long abroad and aboard, Methinking the concept of being grounded or floored.

The cycle of birth, life and death is all part of nature but we can choose to live through the cycle with a hand on the Wheel of Destiny.

Where do we go from here?"-Kiera"We go nowhere."-Denny

Siri, what is the meaning of life? She answers: To think about questions like this. Huh. Good one.

She was stung by sharp regret thinking about the sheets and tablecloths, so costly and never used due to excessive regard.

Ah, cariad, finally I have you to myself, with a bed behind me, and what do I do?

I travel with Club Glove.

Clients have no trouble paying $5,800 for an hour in a Gulfstream corporate jet or $425 for a month of parking. But God forbid they spend $3 per on a glossy annual report.

Don't tell me baby you gotta go, I got the hifi high and the lights down low.

I, for one, thoroughly believe that no power in the universe can withhold from anyone anything they really deserve.