An expert is someone who takes something you already know and makes it sound confusing.

Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.

Success is the good fortune that comes from aspiration, desperation, perspiration,and inspiration.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy - and Jill a wealthy widow.

The mint makes it first, it is up to you to make it last.

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.

Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.

This may be the age of automation, but love is still being made by hand.

Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.

Nothing ages your car as much as the sight of your neighbor's new one.

Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.

It is error only, and not truth, that shrinks from inquiry.

Pretend to be poor in reality and you'll notice a decrease in your friends list and request.

I dwell on great thoughts.

Because this is Beth's fight, and that's what fathers do for their little girls, ' he said.

When you want something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done.

I think everybody needs a little bit of Minnie in their wardrobe.

I was 12 when I got a small part in a movie in Texas. And in my spare time, I play with my dogs and write music and go out with my friends.

I live in a rather special world. I only know one person who voted for Nixon. Where they are I don't know. They're outside my ken. But sometimes when I'm in a theater I can feel them.

Almost anything can be dealt with if people are of good will and light hearts and strong values.

I think that no matter how much you don't like yourself or the drama of your life you can still find some comedy in it.