And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians.

I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough.

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.

I admit I was drinking a Guinness... but I did not swallow.

Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.

Poly means more than one, and ticks are bloodsucking parasites.

Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.

I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.

When a stray animal crosses your path, it may be as close to God as you're going to get in this lifetime.

People may surprise you with unexpected kindness. Dogs have a depth of loyalty that often we seem unworthy of. But the love of a cat is a blessing, a privilege in this world.

Politics is the only field in which the more experience you have, the worse you get.

Jesus might not think so, but maybe the dead are best left that way.

Glory is reserved for the twisted minds.

I was trying to prove to them and to myself that I was still who I had always been. I was beautiful, if fat. I was smart, if loud. I was good, if ruined.

Those who insist on the dignity of their office show they have not deserved it.

There's an old expression about falling off a horse. You get back on and you ride that bad boy into town.

It is God alone who can subdue and govern the unruly wills of sinful men.

When you are being what you really are you absolutely flourish in the midst of absolutely everything.

Jeffrey Lewis sings as though absurdity were truth, and truth absurdity. And I think I agree with him.

More trouble is caused in this world by indiscreet answers than by indiscreet questions.

I thank You Lord for creating the world beautiful and various and if this is Your seduction I am seduced for good and past all forgiveness