And by the way, my belief is that if men were the ones getting pregnant, abortions would be easier to get than food poisoning in Moscow.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.

Do you love me?" I ask.In your hesitation I found my answer.

Kid, I've only known you two days and I've seen you plastered three times." He shook his head. "A bar would not be a good career move for you.

When a leader replaces the value of selfless service with selfish ambition they have officially regressed back into a boss.

Mr. and Mrs. Boffin sat staring at mid-air, and Mrs. Wilfer sat silently giving them to understand that every breath she drew required to be drawn with a self-denial rarely paralleled in history.

Once I could play what I heard inside me, that's when I was born.

It's terrible what's going on in Chicago.

I love writing, but I stopped because I felt I was more effective approaching filmmaking from a different vantage point.

Reddit is not a public utility or a public square; its a privately owned space on the Internet.

The way to silence religious disputes is to take no notice of them.

That which is now a horse, even with a thought The rack dislimms, and makes it indistinct As water is in water