And in that time, I lost my dad and had kids of my own. It was like, OK, I get it now. I know what fatherhood is all about. And you look at your parents differently

But at the same time that the experience is pulling you apart, it's also bonding you. You have this joint venture! You both made this baby. And that's the thing I still can't get over

The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering.

Having a baby dragged me, kicking and screaming, from the world of self-absorption.

The jewel in the baby product crown is the stroller. And if in America you are what you drive, then in Parentland, you are what you push.

And after you've done the acting, there's a lot of places you can put your input - in the editing, in the production of it, in the rewriting of it and so on

I'd distract myself until finally it was a combination of things. The show was over and I had time on my hands. I had taken time and played and just relaxed.

Marriage is just an elaborate game that allows two selfish people to periodically feel that they're not.

If a tree falls on your head in a forest and no one hears it, it still hurts.

A new child in the house is a huge tourist attraction. It's like Disneyland, except there the lines are longer and no one brings casseroles.

There was a period where our child's birth was getting really close, and we still had nothing. We were dangerously close to calling him Untitled Baby Project.

It is the test of a good religion whether you can joke about it.

Some doors are open, but we are still searching for the right keys.

ART: None. The function of art is to hold the mirror up to nature, and there simply isn’t a mirror big enough—see point one.

No woman worth her salt would listen to a proposal without the word ‘love’ in it.

You never achieve success unless you like what you are doing.

The police never find it as funny as you do.-T-Shirt

I say to my colleague from New York that if someone who has a concealed carry permit... in the State of South Dakota that goes to New York and is in Central Park - Central Park is a much safer place.

If I had a mind to rent pigs, I'd be mighty upset. A man that likes to rent pigs won't be stopped.

We don't have to do it any better than we can - ever. Do our best for the moment, then let it go. If we have to redo it, we can do our best in another moment, later.

When I look back on everything I've done, it all somehow makes sense to me. But it doesn't make sense when you're actually doing it.