And people get so weird about mental illness, you follow the rules! You don't up a heart patient on a roller coaster, you don't put a mental patient on a hunting trip with you!

Screw normal. You know why? 'Cause if you're normal, the crowd will accept you. But if you're deranged, the crowd will make you their leader.

Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.

I don't fail. I succeed at finding out what doesn't work.

Take the time to smell the roses. Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee and die.

The normal make a living. The deranged make history.

I think when you sit alone with your brain too much, your own brain starts to rebel against you.

Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, Booty - mmm mmm.

I don't believe in right or left; I don't believe in Santa or Satan. I believe in things I can touch - like vodka and Oreos.

Anyone can have a relationship but if you're dating a woman who's so crazy in bed that if you aren't wearing your Kevlar one night you might never see daylight again... that's exciting.

The only thing that ever made me want to be a wife-beater is being called one. Your honor, can I have five minutes to make her not a liar, please?

If she were gone I would be nothing. You should think better of yourself than to settle for that.

For am I now trying to win the favor of people, or God? Or am I striving to please people?

For too many women pregnancy is just the start of loneliness and abuse. It is a cruel reality.

The primary quality that Lao Tzu seems to emobdy is humility, which is the image of water - seeking the common level of existence.

What we have been raised to think of as inevitable - division and hierarchy, monotheism and nation states - actually accounts for less than 10 percent of human history.

I swear so soon as age will permit ... I will use fire and steel to arrest the destiny of Rome.

In love, the one who runs away is the winner.

All relationships have the same basic components: people, needs, and expectations.

No one ever outgrows the need for a mother's love.

Good leadership is hard to measure on a daily basis which is why so many default to doing what's easy to measure instead.