And we don't often get any wading birds in the River Ankh, mainly because the pollution would eat their legs away and anyway, it's easier for them to walk on the surface.

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

At the end of a marriage, no one wins. There is only anger, sorrow, guilt, emptiness, and defeat.

It's far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

There's something nice and valuable and wonderful about the suspense and the classic horror that doesn't just crutch on blood and the almost pornographic view of fear.

I found one had to do some work every day, even at midnight, because either you're professional or you're not.

I am one of those people who deeply resents not having been born in the 19th century, when there were still open places to explore.

I laugh at weird times - at good and bad things alike. I laugh simply when things are incongruous. It's not necessarily a judgment - as it is noticing the oddity of something.

In the Far Eastern languages we have many different words to describe the varying degrees of reality that a thing, a state of mind or plane of being may have.

When anybody laughs, he has no mind, no thought, no problem, no suffering.

The rottenness of the matter which is the foundation of everything!

What in the world is a leave of presence? It means I am not going away.