And when you're on your own there is that terrifying possibility that you may be the only person on the planet who thinks it's funny - and you have no way of finding out.

It's a funny kind of month, October. For the really keen cricket fan it's when you discover that your wife left you in May.

There's an unseen force which lets birds know when you've just washed your car.

I used to like writing for comedians - I enjoyed the challenge of making other people funny.

If all the world is a stage, and all the men and women merely players, where do all the audiences come from?

It's like your children talking about holidays, you find they have a quite different memory of it from you. Perhaps everything is not how it is, but how it's remembered.

If the laughter of the audience was malicious we wouldn't show it.

You know you're getting old when a four-letter word for something pleasurable two people can do in bed together is R-E-A-D.

What is a harp but an oversized cheese slicer with cultural pretensions?

Middle age is when, whenever you go on holiday, you pack a sweater.

A counter tenor is anyone who can count to ten.

The embrace was long and tight, but more like a complex language then a simple prolonged act. She said nothing at all, but damn she said everything. And I finally got it.

if the roots are corrupt, no worthy fruits may erupt

We are all one. Only egos, beliefs, and fears separate us.

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.

The only way to do it is to do it: by writing, writing, writing.

The flashbacks are parallel for me. You experience two storylines at the same time, and I'm not switching from one time to another.

Terrorism is in many, many ways the final utterance of voices unheard.

Anyone can be falsely accused of a crime. Everyone accused of a crime deserves a fair trial.

I don't know if I have a favorite color.

Switzerland is a land where crime is virtually unknown, yet most Swiss males are required by law to keep in their homes what amounts to a portable, personal machine gun.