Animal experiments are no joke. Thank goodness scientists are finding better, more humane ways to develop treatments for cancer and other killer diseases.

As a writer, the worst thing you can do is work in an environment of fear of rejection.

I suddenly had this really mad desire to have an affair with a woman. I was divorced. I was childless. I figured there's got to be one more way to really tick off my mom.

Time flies, though, huh? But I feel young. And do you know how I stay feeling young, ladies and gentlemen? I'll share my secret with you: I live in a senior citizen retirement community.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

I was over there in Hawaii. I was there on the big island. The 'Big Island' - that name cracks me up. First of all, it's not that big, so I'm pretty sure a guy came up with that name.

They're all sources of material. What I love about what I do, the more you talk about your life, there are so many people who have similar experiences.

All my other relationships with men, there was so much maneuvering and strategic decisions and stuff.

Women, stop buying the lingerie. Stop buying it right now. Oh, it's a big rip off. Oh my god, $18 bucks for panties this big? Come on, one trip through the dryer, and it's a frilly bookmark.

Just be your authentic self because there's nothing sexier or more beautiful than that.

I'm not afraid of putting myself out there to someone and then them passing on it. At least you could have gotten a 'yes.' So it's worthwhile to have the cojones to do it.

When the Illuminati thought of their name, they were hiding in a darkened room with one candle.They are still hiding in that room with the same candle.

The solar system is off center and consequently man is too ...

Why should we grope among the dry bones of the past or put the living generation into masquerade out of its faded wardrobe?

I was elected a Captain of Volunteers--a success which gave me more pleasure than any I have had since.

In the world as I have seen it, no man grows rich by kindness.

Heaven deprives me of a wife who never caused me any other grief than that of her death.

I'm not against the technology at all, I just don't like to use it if it's just to mimic what you can do with traditional methods.

gossip ... was like any other commodity in the marketplace. You received it only if you had something of value to give.

Isn't life the strangest thing you've ever seen?

The problem ain't what people know. It's what people know that ain't so that's the problem.