Animals may be our friends, but they won't pick you up at the airport.

I lost my job, well I didn't lose it, I know where it is, there's just some other guy doing it now.

Go on, try weasel, try squirrel; it tastes like chicken, it tastes just like chicken! If it tastes just like chicken, why don't you gimme some damn chicken?

Quit everything until you find something that you just cannot quit.

America’s one of the finest countries anyone ever stole.

Well, I'm an uncle now ... don't know if I'm a good one. My nephew asked me the difference between a hamster and a gerbil and I told him I thought there was more dark meat on a gerbil.

What's the difference between a Dice Clay concert and a Klan rally? Nothing. Trick question.

If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me.

When I was a baby I had no teeth. I couldn't get a job and I couldn't eat meat.

I retired from acting the same time they stopped hiring me. But following my own thing of making these small indie movies has been the happiest I've ever been.

How can you be a vegetarian atheist and own a gun? Well, that's who I am.

Chances are that there are white people who brag about being the first to move out of a suburb that has been intruded by blacks.

If you don't know what's respect, I think that you will end up like, "It's not a Happy".

In real life, when someone's partner calls them, they can tell from the first word their partner says what their mood is.

Our business is rejoicing, our business is rejoicing.

We often forgive those who bore us, but never those whom we bore.

Of all the groups that sometimes claim to own your life, family is the hardest to defend your individual sovereignty from.

Other people singing my songs is something that I've never been casual about. I've always been very touched by it and I always go into immediate critical suspension.

A quiet fool can go undiscovered for a long time.

Ugly is attractive. Ugly is exciting.

My children - in many dimensions they're as poorly behaved as many other children, but at least on this dimension I've got my kids brainwashed: You don't use Google, and you don't use an iPod.