Another air traffic controller fell asleep on the job, but he had a good excuse. He was watching President Obama’s deficit speech.

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

No, I don't like you, I just thought you were cute enough to kiss you.

I love the Princess Diaries series! Do you?

The cell, over the billions of years of her life, has covered the earth many times with her substance, found ways to control herself and her environment, and insure her survival.

You know, when you sell real estate, that's not like going out and selling a stock. That takes a long time.

It is not the source but the limitation of power which prevents it from being arbitrary.

I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. [And] I want to be known for what I do best.

The kingdoms of Africa and Mesopotamia, machine gunning your body with depleted uranium, this is the age of microchips and titanium, the dark side of the moon, and contact with aliens.

I believe that pain and suffering can either be a prison or a prism.

I like being in love. I want to be in love, but at this stage of my life, my career is, by far, the most important thing to me. It's my passion.