Anxiety and hostility seem to be a great part of good and bad humor. Examining humor too closely does seem to destroy it.

Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

The scary thing about the future... there will be tiny cameras everywhere, and they'll be flying around like mosquitoes and drones. That will be bad. Drones are scary. You can't reason with a drone.

Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

God often gives nuts to toothless people.

Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well ... all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky starts we don't live in Paraguay!

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head.

I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

We've got a bunch of new writers now who tell me they grew up watching The Simpsons. It's bizarre, and they're writing some very funny stuff.

The Real Life from the Heart is not to Discover the Value of Money.

I've been thanking God for you being there. For you risking your life for Dove. I'll never forget it, Tyler. I'll never forget you...." "Truth is, Lily, I'll never forget you either.

If we can't meet with our friends, I don't know how we're going to lead the world in terms of dealing with critical issues like terrorism.

Have death always before your eyes as a salutary means of returning to God.

Everyone is ready to receive this new blueprint. It's simple, easy, flowing. Nothing too complicated, and everyone will feel at home being able to come in and just receive this energy.

Maybe 'loner' is too strong a word, but I've always enjoyed being on my own.

Most people stop learning out of fear. They are afraid they cannot learn.

In a new poll of Democratic voters, presidential candidate Lincoln Chafee came in with zero percent support. Or in other words: We're all tied with presidential candidate Lincoln Chafee.

A cardinal principle in systems theory is that all parties that have a stake in a system should be represented in its management.

When the people are being beaten with a stick, they are not much happier if it is called "the People's Stick."