Any person who has spent time outdoors actually doing something, such as hunting and fishing as opposed to standing there with a doobie in his mouth, knows nature is not intrinsically healthy.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

He who want to be great must first be a servant.

Grown up, and that is a terribly hard thing to do. It is much easier to skip it and go from one childhood to another.

The critic said, but don't you feel awkward about biting the hand that feeds you? I said no, I enjoy just gnawing it up to the shoulder.

I'm not a strikingly handsome guy, but I'm in movies.

I couldn't swear that I believed in the law - or in the American legal system.

In a room where people unanimously maintain a conspiracy of silence, one word of truth sounds like a pistol shot.

Animals have always been therapeutic for me to work with; they help me get me grounded from being on the road.

If you find an Australian indoors, it's a fair bet that he will have a glass in his hand.

True beauty is knowing who you are and what you want and never apologizing for it.

The myth of the poor Jesus needs to be destroyed, because it's holding people back.