Anybody caught selling macrame in public should be dyed a natural color and hung out to dry.

I never eat in a restaurant that's over a hundred feet off the ground and won't stand still.

Many Texas barbecue fanatics have a strong belief in the beneficial properties of accumulated grease.

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

The shelf life of the average trade book is somewhere between milk and yogurt.

As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler.

Perhaps we've time to have a look at the Number Thirty-One bus queue before we turn in.

I'm in favor of liberalizing immigration because of the effect it would have on restaurants. I'd let just about everybody in except the English.

Every good idea sooner or later degenerates into hard work.

Did you know that five out of three people have trouble with fractions.

I never did very well in math - I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally.

Bring it, grizzly. Show me what you've got.

Nation-building is never a 'done deal' confined to history already established.

There is no arena in which vanity displays itself under such a variety of forms as in conversation.

You must consider that there is opposition from other human beings and also non-physical forces that don't want you to succeed.

There was a difference between people looking at you because they wanted to be like you, and people looking at you because your misfortune brought them one rung higher.

I believe people I represent still aspire to the idea that our job as a generation is to provide more opportunity to the people coming after us, not less.

Rulers always hate and suspect the next in succession. [Lat., Suspectum semper invisumque dominantibus qui proximus destinaretur.]

Time is not eternal but was created by God at the beginning.

Ignorance lies not in the things you don't know, but in the things you know that ain't so.

And where two raging fires meet together, they do consume the thing that feeds their fury.