Anyone could write a novel given six weeks, pen paper, and no telephone or wife.

Punctuality is the virtue of the bored.

I should like to bury something precious in every place where I've been happy and then, when I'm old and ugly and miserable, I could come back and dig it up and remember.

One forgets words as one forgets names. One's vocabulary needs constant fertilizing or it will die.

I have lived carefully, sheltered myself from the cold winds, eaten moderately of what was in season, drunk fine claret, slept in my own sheets; I shall live long.

The truth is that Oxford is simply a very beautiful city in which it is convenient to segregate a certain number of the young of the nation while they are growing up.

Your actions, and your action alone, determines your worth.

He was gifted with the sly, sharp instinct for self-preservation that passes for wisdom among the rich.

Beer commercials are so patriotic: Made the American Way. What does that have to do with America? Is that what America stands for? Feeling sluggish and urinating frequently?

Sometimes, I feel the past and the future pressing so hard on either side that there's no room for the present at all.

Wine is a bride who brings a great dowry to the man who woos her persistently and gracefully.

Wind has no home in the world, and therefore wanders everywhere.Light has no home in the universe, and therefore returns to God.

Every man is a hypocrite

Opportunity is rare, and a wise man will never let it go by him.

Like any parent, I just want the best for my kids, whatever they decide to do. They will choose what path they want to follow, and we will always be there to encourage them.

Happiness is only the threshold to misery. When a friend refuses to share in joys.

Who says that fictions only and false hair Become a verse? Is there in truth no beauty? Is all good structure in a winding stair?

I find it tricky to make plans.

I suppose we all have a lil' inner or outer a-hole inside of us, just waiting for the right opportunity to rear their own beautiful buttholes.

You know the Art Rule: Do something that entertains/interests YOU, if you're lucky it'll do the same for others.

I really hate airport queues. I almost feel they should have cattle prods to hurry us up down the aisles. You can't even complain because they might stop you getting on to the flight.