Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

My wife always asks me why I don't make the bed. And I respond with the same reason why I don't tie my shoes after I take them off.

Never believe people in this business who say they don't read what's written about them.

If you want to kill the Syrian people, who's going to support us as a government, as officials? No one.

Sense of humor. A girl who doesn't take themselves too seriously. And someone who is spontaneous. They're the three things for me that really attract me to a girl.

I read *old* novels. The reason is simple. I prefer proper endings.

Robert Redford used to be such a handsome man and now look at him: everything has dropped, expanded and turned a funny color.

I have worked all my life, wanted to work all my life, needed to work all my life.

Um, yeah 15-year-olds don't lead at an LPGA event all the time. But like I said, I'm very surprised. I've been playing really good golf and I'm confident with my game.

Jewish success is due to a culture that promotes excellence, blessed with self discipline, education, dedication and a quest for leaving this world a better place.

Discerning placement of a comma does not atone for a spiritual coma.

No... a novel is a long business. I'm a slow writer, even when I'm doing very well I write slowly.