Anyone who bombs is my friend.

I liked the koala, wallaby, and I chilled with a kangaroo a bit. There was a wombat that I quite enjoyed also

I used to write things out beforehand. But sometimes it backfires

I once sat next to Jim from Wild Kingdom on a flight from Atlanta. I find mentioning that opens a lot of doors.

People in New York love having roof parties.

I do not like sports, unless you consider treating all humankind with love and respect a sport.

I like pens. My writing is so amazing there's never a need to erase

I'd rather send out a mass email then hang posters all over the place

My sister sometimes does a Todd Barry tribute act.

I don't know any astronauts. There are a lot of people who say they want to be comedians.

You come there and hang out and have a drink before the show and eat, so it's not that brutal. It's only $6.

Should I get you a shovel so youcan dig that hole a little deeper?

When you can't focus on one thing, you will be distracted by anything.

The first step out of the gate has to be knowing where you want to end up. What do you really want from your company?

Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can't and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it.

Never ever give up, even, and especially, when there is no chance of winning.

A circle swoop, and a quick parabola under the bridge arches Where light pushes through; A sudden turning upon itself of a thing in the air. A dip to the water.

Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!

But it is a fact that within Jewry there exists a sect which engaged in these murders.

If you would stand well with a great mind, leave him with a favorable impression of yourself; if with a little mind, leave him with a favorable impression of himself.

It is so much easier to tell intimate things in the dark.